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    June 14

    我的小朋友

    他是九年級生。
    每次幫他複習功課,我也會想起我國中的時候。。。
     
    那是我人生一段灰色的日子,
    灰色,既不是自信也不具備成熟與勇敢。
    第一個學期拿全班第一名時,很難忘記那位會跟學生家長要求小惠的班導師所說揶揄的話,
    大意類似慘淡的小說寫到最後,小人物總會受到神的眷顧因而中了一次樂透。(現在我會想到貧民百萬富翁這部電影)
     
    所以每當我的小朋友問我,我以前學習的時候我的目標是什麼?!
    我都不敢告訴他,那時我的目標很早就死掉了,我大都在想:
    老天爺可以突然間帶走一個人,就這樣拖走一個橡膠筏沉重的身體,以及不知多重的思緒,為什麼祂選擇的不是我。
     
    但那時的我生活到現在,有太多太多的價值觀已經改變,
    連我自己也不知道轉變的細節是什麼,就這樣糊里糊塗也是撐過去了。
    直到現在,每當我在TMD跟診,看著那些掉眼淚的婦人,
    我很想跟他們說,這是一項困難的功課,但老天爺會讓你承受,表示你會捱得過去。
    而我也跟我的小朋友說,學習的目標沒有是什麼,而是不想後悔,所以謹慎做決定後就理所當然要維持下去而已。

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